It’s Friday the 13th so don’t forget your Christian superstitions

It’s officially Spooky Season^TM, the Autumn run-up to Halloween, and today it’s Friday the 13^th. That means some people are getting superstitious. Super superstitious, in fact (aka super²stitious).

Not us, of course. We’re Christians. We only steer clear of walking under ladders to avoid being hit by falling celebrity preachers and beloved 1970s broadcasters. It’s a health and safety issue.

But, despite the best efforts of Protestant reformers and the zealous morality police of the Christian internet, some superstitions remain in our churches.

Unwritten rules

Most Baptists, for instance, will be familiar with the practice of leaving a glass of brandy and a cigar out for Charles Spurgeon on Christmas Eve.

Other ‘friends of Martin (Luther)’ may belong to the Free Church, but that doesn’t mean we’re wholly free of superstition. For instance, when baptising by full immersion, it is of utmost importance within our church culture that we say the magic words: “There is nothing special about this water, nothing is happening here except symbolic obedience”, otherwise John Piper will arrive in the night to take the pastor back to his lair in Minnesota for re-education.

Similarly, when saying the Grace in a Baptist church, it is very important for every soul washed in the blood of the Lamb to look around, nodding or bowing on every third syllable, eyeballing a different person. If you don’t, you might as well be an Anglican.

Cool evangelical churches of most denominational flavours also have their own superstitions. In churches with full drum kits and more than one person on the sound desk, it is forbidden to play ‘Shine, Jesus shine’ unless the worship leader gives a knowing smile or makes a sassy remark about ‘oldies’. If they don’t, according to the superstition, the next Sunday a full pipe organ will flutter into your church on eagles’ wings. This curse is known as ‘avian flue’. Folks pull out all the stops to avoid it.

Fear of a similar kind of curse in more traditional parishes means that, within their ancient walls, no new hymns may be sung without intoning: “This may be a little energetic for some of us, but it’s important to introduce new hymns for the young people”, followed by beatific smiles directed at the 40-somethings in the congregation. And a song written in 1919.

Across traditions, one famous superstition makes worship leaders insist that perfectly comfortable people at the back of the church move forward. They’re not inconsiderate or making it all about them. It’s just that empty seats up front are bad luck. This superstitious belief is mirrored by congregation members, who feel that the definition of bad luck is not being able to dash out the back of the church for a roast as soon as the service ends.

Bad luck

Of course, many Christians don’t like to say ‘luck’, preferring to use the term ‘blessing’. Often the use of the word ‘blessed’ in this way stems from a deep theological conviction about the origin of all good and beneficial circumstances. Sometimes, though, it’s just another word for lucky. But it’s bad luck to say luck.

Here’s a quick-fire round of superstitions still apparently popular in churches:

• If your church serves Communion wine in little shot-glasses, you must drink at the same time as everyone else, or it doesn’t count.
• Not having a Bible with you at home group probably means you need prayer. Possibly deliverance.
• If you preach on Matthew 19:21 (Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”), you must say: “Obviously that isn’t for all of us, today”, or Kenneth Copeland will land a helicopter on your church roof and charge you an appearance fee.

The fact is, as Christians we serve a loving and all-powerful God, who doesn’t require us to follow superstitions to stay safe. His grace is not a set of booby-traps.

So go wild this Friday the 13^th. Smash a mirror. Hey, treat yourself. Smash several.

Just remember to nod the Grace at someone as you do. Just for luck blessing.