1. Grow a long beard (if you can)
Almost too obvious to mention really. (2-5 are more optional, its mainly about the beard, tbh). We know this only applies to half the human race, but novelty beards are also available.
2. Stop listening to praise and worship music
No cool Christian listens to praise and worship anymore (or CCM for that matter, this isn't the 90s you know). If you must listen to something with vaguely Christian content then make sure it's very understated and they have a beard (Mumford and Sons is fine, U2 no longer counts, sorry).
3. Don't do church on Sundays
Instead you should ideally be attending something like a mid-week missional community called Presence that meets in a pub and is rediscovering the lost beauty of ancient liturgies while drinking real ale.
4. Become a social justice/eco activist
This is probably allowed among all varieties of believers but is essential for hipster Christians. Attend a march/rally and tweet about it (if you can't manage that then retweet Shane Claiborne a lot).
5. And finally, find a different word to ‘Christian’
You hate labels anyway. Simply term yourself ‘a follower of Jesus’ (you may also add the words ‘authentic’, ‘raw’, ‘missional’, ’journey’ and so on).
p.s. we love Christian hipsters and Greenbelt. This is just for fun and because we love beards.
