‘Christians told me I was going to hell’

I could not wait to get to the beach at Fort Lauderdale, Florida. It was spring break 1978, my last year at the State University of New York at Morrisville, and I was going with a bunch of friends to “party hardy” in the sunshine.

I was somewhat of a big shot at the college because I was a drug dealer and often had lines of students waiting at my dorm room door. Jokingly, I would tell my clients, “I am the ‘unregistered pharmacist’ on campus.”

As far as I was concerned, things were going great. I was playing well in soccer and other sports and it looked like I would graduate with honours. Sports scholarships were pouring in from good schools across the state. It didn’t hurt that I also had a steady stream of money. Life was good. 

But, there was one thing I did not anticipate at the beach. As soon as my feet hit the sand with my entourage, a skinny preacher came out of nowhere and made a beeline to me. He said, “Hey dude, you’re going to hell!”

Of course, I was shocked by what he said. Emotionally shaken, all I could mutter was, “Well, that’s not funny.” I pointed to a guy alongside me and said, “Why don’t you tell him, or somebody else…”  He didn’t even let me finish. He stuck his finger in my face and yelled, “I’m talking to you! You’re going to hell!”. 

All of a sudden I wasn’t drunk or stoned anymore. I crushed the empty can of Budweiser in my right hand and said, “You better shut up or I’ll drill your head in the sand.” I had been the all-county wrestling champion in the 165-pound weight class in high school, so I was confident I could break this little twerp like a pretzel. But, he wouldn’t shut up. He said it again, “You’re going to hell!”  

That was the first time somebody had told me hell was real. Apparently, the Lord knew that I needed somebody to jackhammer that fact into my brain. I was going to hell if I didn’t change. I still got drunk again that night but the next morning the only words ricocheting in my mind were his: “You’re going to hell!” 

Religious abuse

After this experience, a drug client of mine got busted and went to jail. I was petrified. If I didn’t watch it, I could be next. I cut down on my dealing and started looking at colleges I could transfer to in the autumn after graduation. I also began searching for a place that could maybe help me spiritually. If there was a hell, I did not want to go there. I chose a well-known private religious college in the northeast because I saw a cross displayed prominently on the campus.  

Unfortunately, my experience at this religious institution from 1978 to 1980 was anything but holy. During my time there, a well-known female art teacher tried to seduce me and a man who was supposed to be my “spiritual advisor” sexually assaulted me.  

I reported the sexual assault to the campus authorities but I was told I needed to attend special classes to remedy my homophobia. I even went to the regional director with my complaint but nothing was ever done.  

These two incidents completely disillusioned me from seeking any further spiritual guidance and I returned to drinking and drugs.  

Surfers for Jesus

I had been getting letters from an old drug companion, Christian Kraft, who lived in San Diego and was begging me to come out and see him. When I finally met him in San Diego, I discovered he was very passionate about his new found Christian faith and had a 12-inch piece of wood fastened above his bumper that read: ‘Jesus Is Lord.’

I thought he was out of his mind. Then he told me that he wanted me to meet some fellow lifeguards in his Christian surfers’ group the next day on the beach at 4am to catch the best waves. I wasn’t excited about getting up that early, but I went along. When we got to the beach all these guys looked like they belonged in a movie - perfectly tanned with chiseled bodies. I saw they had ‘Jesus is Lord’ on their surf boards and ‘Powered by the Lord’ on their T shirts.

They asked me if I wanted to hold hands and pray and I thought, this is definitely a cult. I did it out of peer pressure, but couldn’t wait for the guys to let go of my sweaty hands. One guy asked me, “Do you know where you would go if you died tonight?” 

“I don’t really want to think about that,” I said.  

“Well, you really need to know what would happen if you died tonight,” another guy piped in. 

After they talked with me they went up and down the beach witnessing to people about Jesus and handing out gospel literature while I watched them dumbfounded. They wanted me to move in with them but I said no. 

Despite my protests, Christian and the San Diego lifeguards kept contacting me and saying, “We’re praying for you,” but I was not happy to be their target. I replied, “Why don’t you pray for someone else and leave me alone?” But they would not stop.

What happened in Vegas

Christian then invited me to go with him and the surfer group to Las Vegas. He said, “C’mon Ernie, we’ll have a blast.” Of course, I knew Christian’s idea of a “blast” and mine were vastly different. At first, I refused, but eventually gave in. Las Vegas was known to be a party town so I figured I’d simply slip away once we were there. 

Our ride to Vegas from San Diego was not glamorous - we all rode in the back of a pickup truck. I’m just glad it didn’t rain. We lodged at the Salvation Army building in the city.

On the morning of 21 November 1980, we witnessed the MGM Hotel fire on the Vegas strip. 85 people burned to death right in front of us - a total of 78 guests and seven employees. We literally saw it. They said it was one of the worst fires in US history in terms of lives lost. We actually saw some of the victims hanging onto curtains and jumping out of windows, just like what would later happen on 9/11. It really sobered me up to watch people burn to death. 

It just so happened that Billy Graham was having an evangelistic campaign in the city at that time. We all went to hear him speak the day after the fire, and he asked everyone in the filled auditorium, “If you were in one of those rooms at the MGM, with seconds to live, what would happen to you?”  

The words of the preacher at the beach two years earlier quickly came to mind, “You’re going to hell.” Seeing the fire at MGM showed me, in living colour, the flames that could be eternal. When Billy made the altar call for anyone who wanted to receive Christ to come forward and have assurance of heaven, I ran. I was 22 years old.   

After confessing I was a sinner and receiving Christ into my heart by faith I finally found the peace and love I was searching for my whole life. Receiving Christ in my life, I discovered, wasn’t just about avoiding hell, it was getting connected with the most loving person in the universe. As 2 Corinthians 5:17 states, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  

Ernie Morrow was speaking to Tim Bennett