Unmaking Mary demolishes the myths of motherhood

As a Protestant, and particularly from a Presbyterian perspective, Mary has never played a central role in shaping my understanding of motherhood - or so I thought before reading Unmaking Mary: Shattering the Myth of Perfect Motherhood (Hodder & Stoughton).

I suspect Chine McDonald may have approached this topic with similar assumptions before exploring the deeper constructs of what it truly means to be a mother. What defines a mother? How should she be understood? In this book, the author challenges cultural and societal myths about motherhood that often leave women feeling inadequate and encourages a more grace-filled, biblically grounded understanding.

McDonald carefully dismantles conventional expectations of motherhood. Drawing from her own journey - pregnancy, the newborn stage, returning to work, and the ever-present fears of raising a child - she offers an honest and deeply relatable perspective. As a mother, I found her insights painfully familiar and readers who have experienced motherhood will recognise the expectations, pressures, and judgments placed upon them.

We are invited to explore the character of Mary afresh - to see her not as a distant, untouchable figure, but as a woman who experienced the same struggles, challenges, and realities of motherhood as the rest of us. Far from being merely a passive character, McDonald presents Mary as a disciple, a leader, and even the catalyst for Christ’s first miracle. She urges readers to see Mary in a fuller, richer light - not just as the mother of Jesus but as a prophet who boldly proclaimed a new world order through The Magnificat. She challenges traditional, one-dimensional portrayals and invites readers to reconsider Mary’s significance in a way that is empowering and deeply relatable.

Some still view Mary as immaculate, sinless, and the ideal mother, but McDonald examines how her image has been shaped by history and socio-political narratives. She traces Mary’s evolving significance, from veneration in some traditions to her diminished role post-Reformation, urging readers to see her beyond tradition. While she challenges these portrayals, McDonald does not advocate for worship of Mary and emphasises that our relationship with God is what truly matters.

McDonald dismantles motherhood myths without diminishing Mary, aiming instead to free modern mothers from perfectionism. She exposes the relentless pressures placed on women: to breastfeed, to be fit, to be beautiful, to maintain an organised and domesticated life, to serve as the spiritual guide for their children, to be their constant protector, and to somehow craft flawless futures for them. The emotional burden, she argues, is simply too great. With honesty and conviction, she rejects the “having it all” myth, instead advocating for grace, authenticity, and freedom.

McDonald is bold in her critique, particularly in addressing the role of the patriarchal church in shaping and sustaining the myth of the perfect mother. She argues that the church has, at times, been complicit in reinforcing these unattainable ideals, placing an undue burden on women. Her perspective is provocative - particularly for readers who hold to a more conservative, complementarian view. She suggests that traditional structures rooted in power, dominance, and male elevation, have contributed to a limited understanding of God’s nature, one that sidelines the richness of feminine characteristics.

McDonald wants her readers to look beyond Mary and consider the often-overlooked maternal nature of God. She highlights how this aspect of God’s character has frequently been missed or overshadowed, prompting a deeper exploration of divine nurture and care. Again, in provocative fashion, she suggests that Mary’s elevation to near-divine status in some traditions may stem from a need to find femininity within a predominantly patriarchal understanding of God. Not everyone will agree with her conclusions, but she offers a different perspective that challenges conventional narratives and invites a richer, more expansive view of both motherhood and the divine. If nothing else her writing is sure to spark important conversations as she offers a fresh lens through which to engage with faith, gender, and spirituality.

She also examines modern representations of motherhood, from Marian artwork and Christian iconography, to social media’s portrayal of the ideal mother. These hyper-real projections create a misleading image, concealing the challenges of motherhood and ultimately causing harm. She continually urges her readers to embrace authenticity. McDonald also highlights the idealised portrayal of Mary as a fair-skinned, blue-eyed, and rosy-cheeked blessed virgin. She explores the significance of Black Madonnas and their connection to the marginalised and exploring Mary who experienced suffering. Conscious of not excluding the experiences of all mothers, McDonald also touches on Mary’s suffering which fosters a deeper connection with mothers who have endured the unnatural grief of losing a child.

While rooted in scripture, this book is not purely theological. Instead, McDonald blends personal experience, social critique, and theological insight creating a compelling and thought-provoking read. Well-researched, thorough, and refreshingly honest, she challenges long-held perceptions of Mary and ultimately aims to liberate readers from the version of her that has historically oppressed women. Her goal is to reclaim an authentic Mary, one who comforts rather than condemns, one who liberates rather than burdens. This is a necessary and compelling read, inviting mothers to reflect, reassess, and embrace a more authentic understanding of their role.

I hadn’t considered Mary’s influence on my own understanding of motherhood until now. This book has helped me unravel the expectations I once felt bound by, and that has been truly freeing.

Unmaking Mary: Shattering the Myth of Perfect Motherhood by Chine McDonald is out now