When Alex MacDougall was diagnosed with cancer, his world fell apart. In the depth of painful treatment and uncertainty, he had a radical encounter with God. Here, he tells the story of how a psalm set to music brought him peace and hope
As an 18-year-old and fresh out of school, I was invited to attend a Billy Graham crusade in Anaheim, California. That night Mr Graham preached on 2 Corinthians 5:17, and I too wanted to become a “new creation in Christ”, and so I tearfully went forward at his invitation. One of the songs sung that night in 1969 was the hymn ‘Surely goodness and mercy’, based on the words of Psalm 23. I have never forgotten it, nor has my life ever been the same.
Many years later, aged 71, I was teaching and enjoying life when I began to experience some difficulty swallowing. By the time I was able to get to a doctor, several months had passed. Then came the words that changed everything: “You have oesophageal cancer”.
What followed was 32 radiation treatments, six weeks of chemotherapy and, eventually, an oesophagectomy. I didn’t anticipate 36 days in hospital, being on oxygen, a nasogastric feeding tube, blood clots in my lung and a myriad of complications. I had no idea that, for extended periods of time, I would be unable to eat or drink any fluids.
I didn’t know if I would survive the operation, but I knew that I was in God’s hands
Beyond the legal affairs that needed to be attended to, I made some plans to get me through this awful time. I thought I might try watercolour painting. I imagined reading certain books that had long been in my queue. But, because of the side effects and extreme fatigue, those plans were simply not attainable.
Theme song
I also chose a ‘theme song’ to encourage and comfort me. Years before, a friend who was in the final stages of cancer listened to his ‘theme song’ of faith repeatedly prior to his passing and said it brought him great peace.
I chose ‘Psalm 23’, those ancient words set to music by the British composer Howard Goodall. Following my chemotherapy and radiation treatment, I was dehydrated, unable to swallow or stand, on oxygen and in pain. I truly felt as if I was passing through the “valley of the shadow of death”. I knew many friends and family members were praying for me but, during that moment, I felt utterly broken. Ravaged. Devastated.
I cued up the song on my phone and pressed play once again: “The Lord is my Shepherd / I shall not want / He maketh me to lie down in green pastures / He leads me beside the still waters”.
As I listened, I became undone with emotion. Tears flowed as the overwhelming reality of God’s presence entered the room. I had peace, comfort, and assurance.
“Yea, though I walk / Through the Valley / Of the Shadow of Death / I will fear no evil / For You are with me / You will comfort me / You are with me / You will comfort me”.
God changes everything
This was my turning point. Those beautiful words and God’s presence changed everything again. I was assured that he was in control and would comfort me. Still, I was facing a risky surgery and a lengthy recovery. I didn’t know if I would survive the operation, but I knew that I had hope, inner peace and confidence that I was in God’s hands.
As I write this, I am eleven months this side of that surgery. I can eat and swallow again. My strength, balance and mental clarity have returned. I require monthly immunotherapy infusions and quarterly scans, but my doctor says that I show no cancer. Simply put, I am a walking miracle and my faith in God is greater than ever.
What do I tell people in a similar situation who are facing uncertainty? Make peace with those you might have offended, or those who have offended you. Focus on what is important and let go of everything that is not. Pray and trust God. Put your future in his hands and seek the comfort, peace and presence only he can offer. Hang in there and take one day at a time. Every one is a gift.
No comments yet