Having been a carer from a young age, Paul Helsby was used to relying on himself. But when a stroke almost took everything from him and the debt mounted up, he was forced to turn to God
I grew up without a father and my mum was disabled. My older sister went into care when I was eleven, so I looked after the house and made sure everyone was fed, clothed and taken care of. School was the only place I could be a kid.
When I hit my teens, Saturdays weren’t about sleeping in or hanging out with mates, they were about getting the shopping done and making sure my little brother and sister were sorted. That was my youth.
Around that point, I started asking questions: Why is my life like this? I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere. That led me to a Mormon church when I was around 16. I found peace and a sense of family; I felt wanted, appreciated and loved. They even offered to help my own family, but my mum didn’t want that.
There were a lot of rules, though, a lot of things I didn’t believe in; at times it felt like faith was being forced rather than freely given. Mormons encourage early marriage and, before I knew it, I was caught up in that too. I got married at 16, thinking it was just the next step.
But instead of bringing me closer to God, the Mormon church pushed me away. I left after a few years and, for a long time after that, I abandoned faith.
I had my first child in 2002, when I was 23. By that point, I’d been married for seven years but, in 2006, we split up. Five years later, I met [my now wife] Sam. We never even talked about faith, really. We were just happy getting on with life.
I was conditioned to handle things on my own. The stroke was a reminder that I’d shut God out
That changed when our kids began going to a local youth club. We knew it was connected to a church, but we weren’t concerned with that. But one day, Sam was checking their YouTube page to see if the club was open, and she clicked on a sermon by the pastor. It spoke to her. It was like he knew her personally. That Sunday, she went to church.
The next week, she went again. I remember asking her: “Where are you going?” And she just said: “To church. You don’t have to come, you can do something with the kids, but it’s something I need to do.” I said: “No, I’m coming with you!”
That morning, the preacher got up and said that he had planned a sermon but, the night before, he felt God telling him to scrap it and share his life story instead. And as he spoke, it was like he had tunnel vision on me. He talked about growing up with an alcoholic mum, looking after her, taking care of his family. He was telling my story. I sat there thinking: OK…there’s something here. But I was still on the fence.
That evening, there was another service. Sam wanted to go back and I agreed. The guest speaker was a preacher from America named Cleddie Keith. That’s when everything shifted.
Cleddie got up and said: “Somebody here doesn’t want me to speak to them. But I’m going to.” Then he walked straight over to us and started speaking over my life. He told me things about my past, things no one could have known, things my own wife was unaware of. And in that moment, I knew I could no longer deny Jesus.
After that, we got baptised. Despite both of us being firmly against marriage because of past experiences, we knew we had to do things differently. We wanted to build our family the right way, so we got married.
A few years ago, we started a business together. I’d been a joiner for 25 years, and we figured we could take on bigger jobs – extensions, refurbishments, new-builds. We prayed about it, and things took off. God really blessed the business. Work was steady, and we were busier than ever.
But when the war in Ukraine happened, material costs skyrocketed. Prices were fluctuating, and I had already quoted jobs at fixed rates. I couldn’t afford to subcontract the work, so I took on more and more myself. Before I knew it, I was drowning, doing 19-hour days and barely seeing my family.
Then I had a stroke. I told Sam my lips felt funny, she turned around and the right side of my face started drooping. I lost all movement in my right arm. The rest of that day is still a blur to me.
Everything stopped. We shut the business down and debt started mounting up. That’s when Christians Against Poverty (CAP) came in and saved us. They set us up with a debt manager and gave us a plan to get out of the situation.
I was conditioned to handle things on my own; I was one of those people who fixes everything. The stroke was a reminder that I’d shut God out. I wasn’t praying or reading scriptures; I was just existing. I’d ignored the signs from God to slow down, and now I knew the stroke was his way of showing me that I had separated myself from his plan for me.
It was a horrible time and a grave test of my faith. But when I came out of the other side of it, and saw my church family pray for me, saw my family pray for me, it strengthened me. One of my children bought me a bracelet that says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NKJV). Now I know to lean on God. I can’t do it alone. It’s God’s way or no way.
Paul Helsby was speaking to AJ Gomez
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