The Church of England is in couples therapy. Can we work through our issues without splitting?

It’s time for some fresh thinking on Living in Love and Faith - the Church of England’s major project on human sexuality. 

The process has officially been running since 2017, although in reality it started much earlier than that. And although some significant changes have been made – Prayers of Love and Faith for use with same-sex couples have been introduced – confronted by yet another recent delay, there continues to be a lot of pain for a lot of people. 

Despite delays to the introduction of bespoke services for same-sex couples to be blessed, it does feel as if we are moving into a new season. Dioceses are soon to be consulted on proposals for pastoral reassurance for people who can’t in conscience use the Prayers of Love and Faith. To avoid these consultations, and other conversations around LLF, simply repeating previous acrimonious debates, how might we introduce fresh thinking? 

While this might sound nebulous to those looking for something more concrete, I want to tentatively suggest that it starts with a question - and not necessarily the details of the proposals - being put to dioceses. To me, that question is, ‘Can we imagine a future together?’ – or, put more bluntly, are we moving inevitably towards separation or the prospect of years of infighting and trench warfare? If we want to avoid either of these bleak alternatives (and my own conversations suggest that most people in the Church of England do want to avoid these pitfalls) then we need to be prepared to step back and engage our imaginations about this possible shared future.  

we’ve not yet reached the point of separation and are navigating a season of discernment about the future shape of the Church of England

The short book that I’ve written to help in the diocesan conversations poses this very question, likening the Church of England to a couple at therapy, working out if their problems are surmountable or in fact terminal. Far from proposing a solution (as if there is such a thing), the book simply acknowledges that we’ve not yet reached the point of separation and are navigating a season of discernment about LLF and the future shape of the Church of England - which will require prayer, listening, and practical acts of kindness.  

To help this process, I am suggesting employing models from other fields which could help us re-imagine a future, one of which is ‘interculturalism’ and the other ‘gift exchange’. My own thinking on interculturalism arose from work in the Diocese of Leicester, after recognising that despite the cultural diversity of our city, our worshipping communities were largely homogenous, and church leaders did not feel confident in navigating cultural differences.  

Interculturalism is an alternative to assimilation (‘leave your own culture at the door and embrace the dominant culture’) and multiculturalism (‘celebrate your differences, while living separately’). Interculturalism then acknowledges the very real differences between cultures – and the power dynamics involved when cultures interact, while encouraging engagement across the differences. Combined with gift exchange – the understanding that every one of us is a gift and has gifts to share and receive – this can give practical expression to engaging across differences and strengthening relationships that are under threat. 

I am not suggesting that approaching LLF and cultural diversity are the same. But in those areas that they have in common, I think there are rich possibilities for learning – particularly for how we remain in relationship in the face of significant differences.  

Of course, some will dismiss this out of hand. Either the differences on LLF are too fundamental to make gift exchange possible, or for others, this feels like another way of delaying meaningful change. Yet, I want to ask the provocative question – if these objections were applied to secular society and the many different cultures now present in England, what sort of society would we be? Would we consider it acceptable that society should divide on cultural grounds (as if that were even possible) – or that we resign ourselves to unrest on our streets? If this is a vision of dystopia, then surely the church should be offering an alternative vision of how we live with differences. 

To be clear, I am not suggesting this as a solution or a neat strategic plan for LLF. We continue to work at this. I am rather making a plea to re-imagine our common life together in the hope that dioceses will generate ideas which will help shape our future. If we want to remain as one church and continue to proclaim ‘Jesus is Lord’ then we need to show this in our common life. The LLF process has been far from perfect, and the latest proposals are not flawless – but they offer a possible way of both acknowledging the pain and depth of our disagreements and remaining in relationship. So, let’s engage our God-given imaginations and see this next season as an opportunity to explore how together, we can witness to the life of the risen Christ among us. 

Can we imagine a future together? Intercultural Lessons for Living in Love and Faith by Bishop Martyn Snow (Church House Publishing) is available now