Should Christian couples enter into prenups?

The majority of people think pre-nuptial agreements - which set out how a couple wish to divide their assets should they divorce - are a force for good. That’s according to a recent survey by JMW Solicitors, where 66% of nearly 2,500 respondents indicated positive feelings towards them. 

Once the preserve of the rich and famous, these contracts are now considered beneficial to couples of modest means. According to JMW, prenups have become “a mainstream option” over the past decade.  

But doesn’t planning to fail undermine the nature of marriage itself?

Contract vs covenant

In a former role, I was responsible for drafting complicated and technical legal contracts which often ran to thousands of pages. The purpose was to second guess what could possibly go wrong in a contractual relationship and then define how a just resolution could be found, even to the point of terminating the contract.

That job taught me that taking time to anticipate future difficulties can be beneficial. The same can be said of couples who are thinking about marriage. By anticipating what might go wrong it’s possible to put warning systems and early corrective measures in place before things become irretrievable. There’s nothing wrong with this. Full disclosure in advance is important and having good conversations about expectations, concerns, attitudes to money and family life are all part of making a considered decision before tying the knot.

But marriage is not and has never been contractual; it is covenantal. Pre-nuptial agreements make a category mistake when it comes to marriage. Contract law has no place in marriage.

The primary purpose of Christian marriage is to be a signpost to the unbreakable covenant between God and his people.

What marriage means

Covenants aren’t perfect, marriages aren’t perfect and we should never claim that they are. Man’s imperfect response to God’s covenantal promises is the idée fixe that runs through the Old Testament.

The twelve minor prophets at the end of the Old Testament have a nuptial-covenantal thread running through them and Hosea and Malachi form the bookends of this idea. Hosea lives out his prophetic work by responding to God’s call for him to marry Gomer, a woman who will be unfaithful to him, just as the people of Israel are in their relationship with God. After a temporary breakdown of their marriage, God calls Hosea to redeem Gomer and take her back.

Marriage is a signpost to the unbreakable covenant between God and his people

Malachi picks up the theme of Israel’s infidelity to God’s covenantal promises and he links it to marriage when he writes, “So look to yourselves, and do not let anyone be faithless to the wife of his youth. For I hate divorce, says the Lord” (Malachi 2:15-16). 

A man and a woman in a covenantal marriage bring imperfections from both sides of the relationship. But the point is that the imperfection we bring to our relationships is a rich source of growth in sanctification. Learning to forgive and be forgiven, rather than walk away, is a constant demand in covenantal marriage. When it’s our turn to offer forgiveness, we momentarily find ourselves imitating God and in reverse we are reminded that we all rely on the graciousness of our Heavenly Father.

The primary responsibility in marriage is to help your partner and family grow in holiness; to assist in their sanctification. This happens in abundance when we perform acts of kindness and when we prefer their needs to our own. Praise God, that he also uses our weaknesses to help those close to us to develop patience and forbearance if they choose to receive our failings as gifts.

The negative emotions we sometimes experience in marriage often reveal to us our own imperfections if we allow ourselves a moment of self-reflection rather than trying pin the blame on our partner. This is the place we learn to take the planks out of our own eyes and working hard at marriage is, perhaps, the whole point.

All this said, I need to sound a note of caution. Domestic abuse or violence have no place in any relationship and sometimes, sadly, there are instances where separation is the only safe option for one party. There are times when a marriage partner is too broken to make the relationship work successfully.

So, do pre-nups have a place? Contracts, including pre-nups, belong to the domain of civil law so let’s leave them for civil partnerships. The Church should be bold and make Christian marriage a pre-nup-free-zone.