A biblical view of family is much wider than one man, one woman and two kids, says Chine McDonald
Over the Christmas holidays, my husband, children and I spent a week at my parents’ house. For a few days, we lived as one multi-generational household, joined by my two sisters, my brother-in-law, aunt and cousin. Spending time under one roof with extended family gave me a glimpse of what life can look like when we think beyond the so-called nuclear family.
While some may like to believe that the familial structure of one man, one woman and their children is the ultimate Christian goal, the Bible does not have much concept of this. In fact, the term ‘nuclear family’ is a very modern invention, coined around 1924. Most of the families in the Bible did not live in such a closed group but were embedded in a wider, extended community. Sometimes these biblical families consisted of a patriarch with several wives, whose sons and their wives and children all lived together. In the New Testament, the early Church concept of family included not just the biological ties but also the ekklesia – the gathered community of brothers and sisters living as one, sharing everything they had.
These concepts help us understand the past, but I wonder whether they might also help us consider what households and families of the future might look like. Today, familial structures are changing. The past few decades have seen rises in the numbers of blended and single-parent families. On top of this, economic and social pressures are seeing more people choosing to live with friends, in communities of single people, child-free or childless couples, and intergenerational households.
I love having my own home with my husband and two boys. But I’m also exhausted. We are in the challenging years of early parenthood, as well as juggling two careers and diaries. Over Christmas, I felt myself physically exhale as we spent time with other adults who could love, entertain and maybe even do the odd nappy change for our children. We even left them for 24 hours and had a much-needed getaway!
In my sleep-deprived state, I can’t help but shake the feeling that we were never meant to raise children alone. Parenting feels easier when there are others around, whether grandparents or relatives, alongside other parents with their children, or with friends who volunteer to take our children on adventures. I find myself feeling envious of parents who have local support, with grandparents who can help with school pick-ups and drop-offs or occasionally have the children overnight.
Seeing the nuclear family as part of a web of wider communities of care, rather than private, self-contained units, could help future families. But this isn’t just about making child-rearing easier. None of us were meant to do life alone. I believe the Church can help to model an intergenerational community; a place where people from all walks of life and all different ages, stages and family set-ups (married people, single people, divorced people, widowed people, blended families, those who foster and adopt) can combat loneliness, isolation and overwhelm. Doesn’t that sound like the family we all need?
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